Monday, August 8, 2016

I'm Not Crazy-You're Just An Asshole



So, in the interest of time, and to avoid my becoming irked (again), I’m gonna skim through a scenario, and you good people can be the judges of how it should all shake out….

Your significant other comes home from work. They’ve made a new “friend”. That “friend” happens to be of the opposite sex. Ok. Cool. Except maybe not so much. Let’s just say this “friend” has had several absolutely inappropriate workplace conversations about their nightly and weekend sexual activities, and has asked your s/o on occasion for relationship advice. Out of bounds right? But let’s move on.


You later find out that this “friend” is not the only workplace buddy your s/o has acquired. Ok. It’s a modern world. Men and women can be friends, right? Ok. Cool. Except maybe not so much. Because you find out that your s/o is lying about having contact with these “friends”, who, at this point, aren’t even co-workers anymore. They’re just people who used to work where your s/o still works. And contact has continued. Even though you've requested that it not. Ok. Cool. Except maybe not so much when you catch your s/o in a lie about contacting them, AND, you find 4am emails. 4. A. M. That’s four in the gotdamn morning. But we’ll come back to that.

 woman dont none customer infidelity


Before you reference my earlier post and say I’m insecure (and when I say “I”, I’m repping for all the irritated spouses, gf’s/bf’s, and significant others that have to put up with this bullshit), let me enlighten you on a few things. Nope. Not insecure. Nope. Not “threatened”. Nope. Not jealous, possessive, my self-esteem is fine, and hell no, I’m not crazy. You’re just an asshole.

Contact between folks of the opposite sex is inevitable. There are a lot of people on the planet. I think most reasonable people expect their mate to have acquaintances other than themselves. And that’s cool. Except when it’s not. If there are lies involved in any way, shape or form- that shit is out of bounds. If there is deletion, special secret files, constantly updated and shuffled passwords, whispering around corners, separate phones, secret social media pages….you.are.out.of.fucking.bounds. Oh- and you’re also an asshole. And also- you’re bound to get caught. Because fuckery ALWAYS reveals itself.

And I know all of you are asking: is this shit really worth ending a relationship over? What about the trust? If your s/o isn’t actually sleeping with the person, where’s the problem? Let me pose some questions of my own. How the fuck do you think “Hi! I’m John from Accounting!” Turns into “What’s my name?” and “Whose pussy is this?” It starts with inappropriate conversations at the water cooler. It starts with creepy ass emails at 4 A. M. It starts with “If her man is calling me at midnight, either she’s stupid, or she don’t know her man very well. I wanna fuck him anyway.”


These things grow. Until somebody is pulling up their panties and wondering how it got this far. And that’s what makes you a fucking asshole. You know these facts. Yet you pretend like you don’t. And that doesn’t make your spouse jealous. Or threatened. Or insecure. That makes you a selfish...um, what's the word I'm thinking of....oh yeah- asshole who only cares about your own feelings and who is so self-absorbed and insecure that you would put your “friendships” above the person you claim to love. And the kicker is that the other person has probably curbed plenty of folks and shut down plenty of admirers to preserve their relationship with your sorry ass.

And yes. I said "insecure". Because doesn't a person have to be extremely insecure to risk  ruining a relationship and hurting the one person that's been down for them over fucking phone calls and emails? Is finding out 'you've still got it' worth breaking the heart of the person who really loves you?  How desperate are you for acceptance and the admiration of thots (and yes- men can be thots too) that you would lie to the person who cooks your food? (Not the smartest thing to do, btw). 

Social media, electronic devices of any kind, this culture of sticking private parts wherever the fuck you want and thinking there are no consequences…I honestly don’t know why we even try. The odds are stacked so high against us. How do you stay connected when every day you wake up there is a minefield of relationship killers all around you? What are you supposed to do when you want to preserve your autonomy, and respect your s/o’s privacy, but the world is full of miserable, lonely, jealous, hating-ass losers who don’t give a fuck about you or your family? It’s fucked up. And it breaks up homes. It kills relationships.

 game cheating rigged

So the next time you get ready to make a new “friend”, just stop and ask yourself a few questions. Is this someone I would introduce to my s/o? Or is it obvious this person has fuckery (or just straight fucking) on their mind? Is this email, text, DM, IM, or phone call something I could do if my s/o was sitting right next to me? Or am I hiding in a closet, trying to keep my voice down? Am I switching tabs, closing screens, hanging up when my s/o walks in the room? Do I fucking KNOW I'm fucking up, but am I hitting "send" on this DM/IM anyway? Because I can do whatever the fuck I want?

Could I give this person I claim to love my phone and social media passwords right this second and not have to worry about packing my shit and finding a place to stay? These are questions worth asking. And the irony is, if you’re the kind of person who could turn over your laptop, tablet, or phone and not worry, chances are, your s/o wouldn’t even ask. So think about that. Asshole.


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