Thursday, March 21, 2013

Sorry I've Been Away So Long AND...AARP Is the Shit




Ok so...

I am soooo sorry I've been away so long. I can promise, I will never, ever leave you alone like that again...I really, super-duper promise. It's just that (cue violins), I've been moving. And moving is its own, particular brand of hell, and we'll talk more about that later. I've also been kind of out of it cuz although I'm grateful for my new digs, I've been sleeping on a hide-a-bed (a couch-bed for you young-uns), and the resulting sleep deprivation has left me a little bummed and listless and unable to concentrate. Not an excuse. Just an explanation. You forgive me...don't you? Want some cake?
Anyhoo, I'm sure you're wondering why the AARP logo is perched atop this post. Glad you asked. (By the way, AARP stands for "American Association of Retired Persons- again, for you young-uns). I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat wondering what retirement has to do with me, since I'm super young and sexy. Well...young-ish, anyway. So, here's the story....



My mom is on the other side of 50, so she gets AARP magazine. I have had an obsession with magazines of all kinds from a young age. So...when I saw the AARP magazine in the mail, I figured it couldn't hurt to peruse it a little. And, well, I found I really like reading it. Don't judge me. There's a lot of really good stuff in there. Like interviews with Loretta Divine (most awesome actress), Kenny Loggins (most awesome singer/songwriter), etc. And then, I saw their most awesome commercial. Basically, it talks about how not everyone peaks in their twenties, and I so needed to hear that at the time. Because it's true. Some of us take longer to find our way in the world. And that's okay.
I've spent a lot of time being down on myself for the things I've done...haven't done...accomplished...haven't accomplished. I became a mother at the young age of 17. And I've been the best mom I could be since that time. I don't know if my career path has been a casualty of my overwhelming need to be the absolute best mom ever, or if I've just made a lot of fucked up job decisions, (resulting in my bringing up the rear in the earnings category), or if I'm following a divine plan of the universe to put me in the right place at the right time- but I'm experiencing the mirror image of what women my age feel when they've spent all their childbearing years doing the career thing and then wonder, as they approach their 40's, if the career was worth it. Is it too late to meet the right guy, start a family and be the mom they always swore they would be once they slayed the corporate dragons and burst through that glass ceiling?
I read a post from one of my favorite writers once about how she had "30-something-itis" because she was unmarried and childless in her mid-thirties.She was wondering about the road she hadn't traveled. The thing is, this person is an attorney who has a successful graphic design business, a successful website and has had a television show made out of one of her ideas. I would think that would classify her as a winner in life.
I- on the other hand, am struggling (like so many Americans these days) to rub two nickels together. My credit kind of sucks, and I find myself  re-evaluating, on a daily basis, where I'm headed and what the fuck I'm doing with myself. But here's the thing...
I have THE most amazing kids ever....period. While my counterparts were off at college (which I probably should have completed, actually), partying their asses off and then scaling those office heights, or building that clientele, or whatever; I was changing diapers, kissing boo-boos and braiding hair. And I wouldn't change it for the world. I have loved being a mom. And now that my oldest is 21, my middle is 19 and my youngest is 15, I find myself in the position of having to fight past feeling like I'm nothing. Like maybe I did something wrong. But those times of self-doubt and negativity pass quickly.  I did exactly the right thing. At the right time. And now, it's time to join the rest of the world and contribute on a larger scale (although I can't think of anything larger or grander than raising three most awesome members of society).
I can't wait to get into the next phase of my life. Because it's so true-- not everyone peaks in their 20's. Some of us put other things first. It's a good thing. It's worth it. Don't be so hard on yourself....

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